‘Having a bottom is living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we’re looking the other way’
My favourite quote from a TV show (Coupling), not only is it hilarious but I could often relate.
For years, I hated my butt. Hated it with a passion. It was the enemy, it made me uncomfortable all the time. It attracted vile and overly touchy men to harass and grope me in nightclubs, men who thought they had the right (fuck off privilleged numpties) to touch me because emy butt somehow sent a ‘signal’ I wanted them to being so big, it was making my shape out of proportion- medium size chest, small waist, big hips and butt. And thanks to it, I couldn’t wear any trousers or jeans I liked-only leggings and the comments I’d get in them from people which ranged from ‘hey bootilicious’ (mainly again lechers in nightclubs, ‘ ‘yeah it is a bit big isn’t it’ and ‘I can’t believe you’ve got a butt that big!’
Other trousers and jeans never fit me correctly, save one pair of low rise jeans which were perfect and sadly sacrificed on the alter of age. Either they were too small and I’d try desperately to cram my ass in, or too big so that a belt (at least was needed) or they’d fall down almost over my hips. Even then they gaped at the back and front which made me even more self conscious.
I think everyone, everywhere, hates some part of their body- I truly do. For me, it was my butt. The enemy who flirted, misproportioned me and made me self conscious…
Or was it?
Wasn’t it those men whose attention was unwanted when they harassed my by slapping and being pretty damn dirty about it?
And the ‘well meaners’ who’d point out how tiny my waist was by pointing out I ‘had a fat ass’
And the retail industry, that never keeps consistant sizes and makes pretty much every woman uncomfortable?
And how about me, who believed it all, didn’t rise above it and hated a part of my figure that was never going to change?
I believe the first 3 did help edge me along and can really affect a person terribly but in my case ultimately I was responsible for believing it, for falling for the ‘perfect woman fantasy’ for the self hate towards what I believe now is a ‘mighty fine booty.’
Don’t get me wrong, when it’s bullying that’s making you hate yourself that’s a whole other story. It would be very very hard to anyone to rise above the malice and cowardice and ultimately big egoed small intelligence of the bullies cruelty. But for me it wasn’t bullying, not even close. Yet somehow I let it affect me.
I tried dieting at first and big time exercise but that period of self hate (as I like to call it) is mostly gone. I run a lot now and do more exercise then I ever did. I’m fitter and healthier and only getting more so as I train to run the 10K, but my butts none the smaller. In fact if anything, it’s bigger.
I couldn’t care less. My butt and are friend now (alcohol and hot curry nights notwithstanding). It’s taken a long while and I must admit there are days I could easily slip into self hate, but I’m working on remaining friends with my big, god damn fantabulous ass.
Now ironically, alongside finding this love, I get more positive comments, more envious ones sometimes. It reaffirms my belief that my butt…is perfects. For me.which only shows how much negative comments make me the other way, I still need to work on that. But they are enjoyable. Without the comments I’d still have that belief, but it’s nice to hear. And I wonder how much of it is down to my butt itself being complimented or the confidence I feel with my body.
As I said everyone hates something or has a love/hate relationship with one part at one time and often we are driven to a perfection we can’t/shouldn’t/don’t need to conform to-often badly. There’s nothing wrong with wanting improvement, as long as it’s not harmful or osessive and most of all so long as you love yourself; be you whatever size, whatever figure type, whatever age or sex…you’re on the right path. It’s easier said then done, I get it, I was there for 15 odd years and no matter what I say I can’t convince anyone to themselves any more then I could convince my 20 something self but I will say what I tried:
Look in the mirror and take your clothes off
Look for one thing you like or is at least ok
Look at how to focus on it more-it’s your asset
Look at what you hate without loathing and cringing, it’s part of you, regardless.
Look at ‘do you want to change it’? Can you change it without self destructing or harming yourself? Are you changing for you? Or because others say you are ‘wrong’ in being the way you are?
Can you work with your body to change it or promote your assets?
Think on every compliment you’ve ever been given, are you being too hard on yourself? While you’re hating your curves could someone secretly coverting them? Or vice versa? (chances are YES-the grass is always greener)
Take it a day at a time. As I said I am in tune with my butt mostly now but there are times I could easily slip back and hate or find myself trying. And there’s nothing harder then trying to find love when there’s only loathing but be realistic…it’s your body and you are hating on it, how likely is it going to cooperate with you trying to change it if there’s nothing positive? And remember that the whole ‘real women have curves’ and vice versa/other sayings philosophy is bullshit.
Anything that starts ‘real women’ can take a long walk of a tall short pier. We are real women and we’re whatever we damn well are: shape, size, age, sex, sexuality, race, religion, blood type…you got it, we are what we are and being more/less curvy, being more/less weight wise, being bigger/smaller chested, butted whatever…it’s us.
We are real women and we are what we are. No more, no less.